Harry Potter and Milo Amastacia-Liadon and the innecesary subquest
by Tyrwnts2buy
Summary: Imagine everything went perfectly well, bullets dodged and everything as in H.P. and the chamber. Well, the H.P. and the Nat 20 story is so good I felt tempted to do something myself.


_Let me start by saying i do not know the terms in which to publish a disclaimer best. Sufficent to say, I own none of the characters on this story. Harry Potter and most of the characters belong to J.K. Rowling, whereas Milo is a creation by a fellow writer on this site by the name (pseudonim) of Sir Poley. Being allowed to use his character for nothing but enterntaiment and usinge other characters for fair use and no economic gain in mind, here goes nuthin. BTW, check out Harry Potter and the Natural 20. It´s a must._

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Milo hit the ground. Hard. I really have to stop doing this, he thought. Falling hard is completely useless. It doesn´t even lose you hit points. It justs leaves you sore- He thought with annoyance.- It is just a narrative resource meant to illustrate jumping from almost three meters is not a good idea, since it isn´t. Well, most adventurers would do it all the time if it didn´t at least hurt a little. Not that they don´t. If it had been three meters (or 15 feet), I would have needed to roll a reflex save, and I would have at least given jumping a second thought. Thank the gods for architects who made walls of fourteen feet only. No need to go spending "feather falls"…

Now, Milo knew he had to keep acting. Even if thinking, and speaking, are free actions, he had to continue. Just as Milo was getting up, someone fell on him, interrupting his previous train of thought, and reminding him that his standard action of getting up could be interrupted or worse, negated, by someone else´s turn based standard action of falling down on him, forcing him to roll not to fall or to stay on his feet (which for the effects of the rules, are NOT the same thing). Milo, needless to say, didn´t waste his few skill points on balance. Even if the DM (Displacement Mechanics) were not clear on whether he could make a Balance Roll or the falling "object" had an attack Roll against his touch AC before throwing him down, Milo didn´t have such a good touch AC or an understanding of how someone falling on him worked to think the DM´s decision could be challenged. He wasn´t even sure if he was considered prone to some degree. So, not knowing the rules on this, Milo went down. Again.

Milo was just thankful that Ronald Weasley was not wearing armor. This was the reason marching orders were important! And his Improved Initiative feat meant that, even if he was not faster (by his standards) than any human, he would get to virtually any place before. All he had to do was win the initiative roll. Milo thought it interesting how two people with the same speed would get to the same place in different moments. There´s a thought that would have made him proclaim the superiority of combat rounds over any other simultaneous movements Hermione claimed was "real" were it not for the fact that this was not a moment to stop and ponder. In the end, he reflected, initiative rolls were fair. Every single living creature had a chance to make one. And sometimes, even creatures that were not living creatures. For Milo´s dismay. And it was not his turn.

When the Weasley´s had "won" a trip to the exotic venues of Egypt, and were willing to use it to visit their son Bill, Milo suspected some dabbling by the Gods themselves (or their boss, from some interdimentional couch, throwing dice around to decide his fate). So he took a travel book and Scholar Touched´ the nine hells out of it. Milo was more than ready for desert monsters and anything that could live in a dune. Anything, ranging from ankhegs to giant scorpions to earth elementals, though there seemed to be none of those in this world. Still, Milo prepared a "Bottle of everlasting water" and a series of antidotes. And then, went with the Weasleys to an enriching adventure of spell-perfectioning, item testing and sightseeing to the great tombs of the lost Wizard 34th dynasty.

Everything went as expected, the first few days. As expected by Milo, at least. Sand trolls and desert gnomes, and a dungeon crawl through a tomb where a giant slug (that reminded Milo of a Carrion Crawler, and filled him with nostalgia over his time killing things in the sewers of the Azel Empire) proved a threat too simple for the Weasley´s. But now, he was lost inside a tomb, prone and therefore interrupted from the time and movement action-consuming activity of running for his life.

The roar, another narrative resource, was blood-curdling. Milk would also curdle and guitars would get out of tune if close to that roar. Milo, as an adventurer, was OK as long as he didn´t need to make a saving throw. Apparently, this was not the case for Ron.

-Why did I come with you!?- shouted a terrified Ron from the floor.-I should have known better after the encounter with the pixies!

Ron was, of course, referring to that alleged encounter both Milo and Ron had supposedly had on the summer with 5 imaginary Pixies and 3 imaginary gnomes (or what passed for gnomes in this world) mounted on an imaginary mundane pony, where both wizards had been allegedly defeated on a fair fight, been humiliated and left with such a sour aftertaste, they were forced to briefly consider their reasons for adventuring (quite an emotional blow for Milo). Allegedly. And they had allegedly agreed never to mention it again, ever, having no witnesses and feeling the universe would not mind such a small side quest, where no one died and no resources were spended, and all would continue as ever. If such quest did ever happen, it would have been less of a "Bad Die Day", (words Milo used to describe what an amateur playing 18 holes of Golf looked like), and more like a a "Botch´a thon" (which is how he would describe a Cuddly Carrions match, or whatever Ron´s team name was). A bad, bad, terribly bad, one-one marathon, at that.

Milo was sure there was a non-written rule where PC´s could pretend such episode never happened every couple of years. An adventure gone so horribly wrong was bound to happen eventually. Only the PCs on the party seemed to know of these, and most were willing to overlook such adventures. No experience was gained, though sometimes some potions or similar objects were wasted, albeit replaced almost immediately, and with no mention of ever being lost. Mentioning such an episode to some adventurers, particularly evil ones, could even mean the deaths of NPCs.

-We both agreed that there was NEVER an encounter with Pixies!-shouted Milo, shoving Ron aside and standing up, and thus spending his move actions- And you should better stand up and run before this ugly guy comes around!- He managed to say before the two headed, gigantic skeleton managed to reach the shaft. This was supposed to be a simple "transition" adventure. One of those intermediate periods where adventurers "practiced" or even "acquired" new skills, like Hermione upping her knowledge by reading, or Harry getting some ranks (or this universe´s equivalent) on listen, or move silently, while on the non-casters´ house. And somehow, it managed to turn into an intense dungeon crawl.

It all started in a wall. Well, more of a carved cliff. A huge wall carved with motifs of giants and men with animal heads. There was "thin-wolf-head-man", and "crocodile-head-man", and Milo´s personal favorite, "hawk-head-man". So there are werewolves and celestials in Egypt- thought Milo-and local things like women with cow heads, probably low CR, It had been a nice vacation, but Milo could make it worthwhile still.

So Bill- Milo said as casually as he could- how many of these creatures have you personally met?

Creatures?-said Bill, somewhat confused. He had been warned of Milo´s unusual comments, and thinking it was just normal Hogwarts weirdness, he insisted Ron´s orphan friend to accompany them. -You mean the Egyptian Gods?

Gods?!- asked Milo, taken aback.- You mean to say these "weres" are Gods?- he shouted almost hysterical- Whataretheirdomains? Isthereachancewewillfindaccolytesorsomedarkcovenantoftheirfollowers? Whataretheirknownweaknesses?- said Milo, without punctuation or stopping to breath. He looked as if he was going to faint. Meanwhile, the only thought on Milo´s head was: Shouldn´t have dropped Constitution.

Weres, Milo?- said a really confused Bill, while fidgeting with a waterskin to make time to sort out the questions- You mean, as if they "are" not anymore

Yeah, no, I mean shapeshifters.- answered the young HMN WIZ 9 in a matter of factly voice- I really can´t see how being a werecow could be an advantage, or what bonus a cow form could actually bestow.

-Milo, there are no Cow shapedhifters.- said Bill, scratching his head, as if the very words he spoke confused him.- These Gods aren´t real, and they haven´t had followers for thousands of years.- answered Bill as if he was speaking with a small child. Even Ginny had more grasp on reality, for Merlin´s sake.

That´s surely what they want you to believe-said Milo mysteriously, with a certain Gleam in his eye most of the Weasleys were not familiar with, but those who were knew it meant adventure.

OOOOkeeeeey…..- said Bill.- Well, as for their domains, if you mean what each of them was god of, it obviously varies. You have the goddess of family, love, and winds over there, that´s the god of the morning sun, that is the god of knowledge and the written word…

- Now, who is the blue guy with the big crown-miter thing?-interrupted Milo, pointing at the biggest figure on the wall. This was definitely an important someone.

That´s Osiris, king of the dead- said Bill, obviously happy to be able to speak of something he actually knew about in a logical manner.- He is the god of agriculture and death, and one of the main gods of the pantheon…

-DEATH!- interrupted an overexcited Milo- You mean to tell me one of their main gods is "God Death"! Andhehasbothagriculture AND Deathashisdomains!- he continued almost without taking a breath.- Well, no wonder most of the country is a desert. So, this is a civilization of necromancers right?

Err …-what?- asked Bill, starting to take a hold of why everyone acted with Milo like as if he had some loose screws.- Yes, whatever. You see, Osiris was a powerful king who taught the Egyptian peoples agriculture….

-Oh, my, Gods!- shouted Milo, interrupting again, in a manner he had copied of Ginny, obviously too much taken aback.- He is an ascended Mortal! So there is ascention here as well! And how are gods powers measured? Is the most powerful one the god with more followers, or do they have fixed power levels?

Milo, calm yourself, please. - said Mr Weasley, trying to bring a little order into the conversation as usual, by changing the subject- Mr Copperfield Senior, a friend of mine in the international office, sent us all there is to know on this archeological site written on this brochure, or if you prefer, there is also information on the gods on this translated excerpt from the book of the dead.

The book of the dead!- said Milo with eyes as big as plates- A necromantic volume of easy access! No way. I´d never touch that, sir, Mr Weasley, Mr Arthur.- said Milo trying to be as polite to the nice NPC who had given him a place in his table. As an adventurer, Milo knew how valuable his niceness was, but he wasn´t going to take advice about how to treat some "Book of the Dead" from an NPC, even if his friend´s father. It could even be an artifact! - It could be cursed! What if I lose Wisdom, or worse yet, Intelligence!

Milo, reading a brochure won´t make you dumb- said Arthur Weasley, when obviously his attempt to be the voice of reason had turned to an unexpected direction. Arthur Wealey usually didn´t have the "reading will NOT make you dumb" conversation with anyone other than the twins. Even with them, he was more than sure they were just playing him, since he had caught his children reading some select material (Dr. Zeebo Xooks volume on combustive materials and Lester Lestrange´s "A million little pieces, and other ways to express yourself without using too much BOOM").

-Yes sir, but I´d rather not touch it anyway.

-Right, well, there is more to see, dad,- said Bill. – This might actually interest you. Over there, there are some muggle machines used at the beginning of the century to take pictures. I don´t know if we could call them cameras since the pictures don´t move.

Really!- asked Mr Wealey.- Come Molly! Cameras that don´t take moving pictures, how fascinating!

So, while Arthur, Molly, Bill and Ginny Wealey inspected old cameras and a three thousand year old fresco, Milo thought on how to get easy XP- Let´s find a quest for my ECL. Now, where there is such a beautiful wall, there are bound to be…-

-Detect secret doors-said Milo. Two minutes later, a passageway was opened below the blue skinned man-god. -Who´s up for a little side quest?- He said with a smile to those who weren´t into cultural, trips.

So the Twins, Ron and Milo entered the wall on the cliff on the desert on the great unexplored continent where humanity started.


End file.
